Shattered
by Looshk
Summary: Axel is the only child of his parents broken marriage. His home life is terrible and he carries a heavy burden on his shoulders, his best friend is dead and he feels like he is to blame.
1. Chapter 1

They said their words patted me on the shoulder and left me and his family there to pick up the pieces...  
I don't know who everyone was more concerned about...  
Me or them...  
Sure they had their tears and his mother freaked right the fuck out as the coffin passed.  
But I couldn't feel...  
Physically couldn't fucking shed a single tear for him even though I felt like I was dying inside.  
It took me three days to get over the initial shock...  
And at about the same time I came to a further conclusion...

That this is all my fault.

I think I've been alone now for a few days...  
He was pretty much all I had.  
Mom's got her new family...  
And dad's got his alcohol...  
I'm an only child.  
Which is probably a good thing.  
I wouldn't subject even my worst enemy to my 'family' let alone any unfortunate siblings.  
But I'm avoiding the main subject here...  
He's gone...  
And theres not a damn thing I can do to bring him back.

I can hear him storming up the stairs now and I'm gonna scramble quietly into the top of my closet maybe I'll be lucky and he won't find me this time...

"Axel I know you're in here... Get the hell out of wherever you're hiding and explain to me why the hell you wern't at school..."  
His feet are shifting about the room...  
"I'm giving you to the count of three to get out here and explain yourself."  
I can feel my heart beating faster which is the only thing keeping me awake I feel otherwise...  
"One..."  
Pretty much...  
"Two..."  
Almost like I'm...  
"Three!"  
Dead.  
I know he's gonna throw everything around the room if I don't come out...  
Which will in turn create more work for me...  
So I reveal myself and he has his fists at the ready.

"Axel why was I getting calls about you not being at school today?"  
I know I shouldn't talk back and everything thats about to come streaming out of my mouth shouldn't be said...  
"Because Roxas' funeral was today you inconsiderate drunken FUCK!"  
Before the sentence is even finished hes swinging for me...  
It's been happening years but everytime it does, it seems to go in slow motion and my heart always races and I always feel sick to my stomach and then the pain comes.  
Right across my face...  
Another black eye that one of my teachers might comment on...  
I'll say I got into a fight...  
Walked into a door...  
Fell down some stairs...  
Or that my father punched me in the face because my friends funeral prevented me attending school.  
They don't really listen and they don't really care.  
Maybe if I lay still he'll leave me alone...  
His foot nudges me over onto my back I lay motionless eyes closed he simply grunts and then my door closes behind him I'll wait until hes downstairs and the tv is on to move...  
That way he won't hear me...  
That way he won't return tonight...

The tv's humming away, I can hear it drifting up through the floorboards and he's drunk and amused by something probably as fat dumb and prickish as he is.  
I walk to the mirror in my room to see the damage.  
My eye is swollen...  
Red and blue...  
Great.  
Lucky for me I know how to treat most wounds...  
From experience...  
And a little know how.  
Whoever thought the first aid course they made us do in school would be some of the most useful information I'd ever process.  
I go to the bathroom leaving the room in darkness just in case he notices and run the cold water over my hands and splash it over my face its gonna bruise badly I can already see that.  
Wetting a towel I go back to my room I lay on my bed holding the towel over my swollen eye and for the first time since it happened, I actually cry...  
Not just a few tears full on sobbing like I haven't done since I was a little kid.  
And the pain sweeps into me around me and inside me, until it is me...  
We're one and the same yet apart and it curls up beside me like a faithful companion and holds me closely until I fall asleep.

My alarm wakes me at 9am I'd take today off if I thought I'd have somewhere to go hide for the day and then once again it hits me.  
/No Axel he's gone and theres nothing you can do about it.../  
Roxas would've brought me to his place and gotten ice for my eye and made me hot chocolate and we'd have eaten ice cream and watched movies all day...  
Maybe his parents would feel sorry for me and let me sleep over.  
They usually did, not that I appreciated being pitied, just the safety it brought me...  
All my stuff is still in my bag because my dad didn't get a chance to wreck my room last night.  
Books, pencil case, journal...  
My hair is all over the place in its usual array of bright red spikes...  
No one believes its my natural colour...  
But it is.  
The tattoo under my right eye is almost blending into the bruising.  
I'm just gonna grab a hoody with a really big hood and hope that the hood overshadows my face enough so that no one will question me.  
If I keep my head down no one will notice...  
Thats exactly what I tell myself as I pull the door closed behind me.

People stared at him as he walked through the corridors he knew they knew what had happened to Roxas and now he had a black eye to attract even more attention...  
/Just keep walking and keep your head down... Just keep walking and get to history class.../  
His hands were limp and useless at his sides and his messenger bag was banging against his thigh.  
He wanted nothing more than to crouch down and hide but at his height it was hard to blend in with the high school crowd unruly red hair didnt help much either, but even with that hidden people still stared...  
All his books for history were in his bag so he had no need to stop at his locker.  
He walked towards his classroom and pulled the door closed after him.  
Sure he was early but it was better being in the classroom where less people would stare than out in the halls where he seemed to have once again over night become a spectacle.  
He took his bag off his shoulder and put it on the floor beside him and laid his head down on his desk, he could feel eyes on him but didn't think anything of it...  
His 'odd' sense of fashion was usually noticed no matter where he went...  
People seemed to think he was some kind of 'emo-goth' and liked to make him feel different because of it.  
Usually it didn't bother him too much, just after his loss of Roxas his exclusion from the other students made him feel even more alone...  
He was deeply lost in thought when he was tapped on his shoulder.  
Lazily he lolled his head over to make eye contact with a blonde haired boy.  
"Uhm... Is this history?"  
Axel nodded without really thinking.  
"Thank you. Uhm..."  
Without saying anything else he took a seat in front of Axel.  
/He's probably trying to hide too.../  
Shyly the blonde teen turned back around holding out his hand.  
"Oh... Uhm... I'm Demyx by the way."  
The redhead raised an eyebrow and took his hand.  
/No one in this school is ever this friendly.../  
"I'm Axel... You're new arn't you?"  
Demyx blushed pulling his hand away.  
"Oh... Uh yeah... Is it that obvious?"  
/He's so like him.../  
"Kinda yeah... But don't worry about it..."  
His hood fell back a little bit and Demyx gasped.  
"What happened to your eye?"  
Axel self consciously pulled his hood back up.  
"Nothing..."  
With that the door clicked open and the teacher walked in followed by drones of students.  
Axel lowered his head and Demyx furrowing his brow for clearly saying the wrong thing turned around and opened his book.


	2. Chapter 2

Class went so slowly he questioned if time was even passing...  
His eyes followed the second hand on the wall around and around...  
Time seemed longer when he wasn't there to share the brunt of everyday with.  
And this only being the first day of the rest of his life without Roxas, made the misery even more real.  
Somewhere between this thought and the next he fell asleep.  
He was awoken by someone prodding his shoulder.  
"Uhm... Hey... Class is over..."  
Axel raised his head and for one split second between dreams and waking, his eyes deceived him and before him stood the one who he thought to be Roxas.  
Blinking to clear his vision he was left staring at the new student who was looking extremely awkward.  
"I'm... Sorry about what I asked earlier... It's none of my business and I shouldn't pry..."  
The redhead shook his head still in the process of waking and muttered.  
"Sokay..."  
He wiped his eyes and winced.  
"Goddam it that hurts!"  
Demyx stayed silent not sure what to say shifting his weight slowly from foot to foot staring at his shoes.

Axel stood up sweeping his belongings off the desk into his bag.  
"What class do you have next anyway?"  
The blonde shrugged slightly.  
"Free period... We both do... That's why I didn't wake you up straight away... You looked like you needed to sleep..."  
Axel raised an eyebrow.  
"You were watching me sleep?"  
Demyx shook his head.  
"I went to get some water from the vending machine and decided to come back and check on you it was that or the teacher was locking you into this room... And he looked pretty serious about it too... So I came back to wake you up."  
He smiled slightly to himself.  
/So like him.../  
Demyx looked self conscious.  
"W-what's funny? What did I do?"  
Axel shook his head.  
"Nothing... You just remind me of someone..."  
The blonde cocked his head slightly.  
"Is that a good or a bad thing?"  
"Good."  
Demyx smiled to himself.  
"Good... So you'll show me around?"  
The redhead stopped dead in his tracks.  
"I'm not sure about that..."  
Demyx sighed.  
"Oh... Okay..."  
He started to walk away when something in Axel's head snapped at him.  
/What the hell are you doing? Go after him!/

Axel stepped outside the classroom and despite the crowd already staring at him he shouted after Demyx.  
"Hey Demyx!"  
The blonde turned around and noted all the faces that seemed to stare at Axel and him...  
Judging glances...  
Guilty by association they read...  
He was new and already marred...  
Not that he cared.  
Not unlike Axel he had often found himself judged and excluded by his peers.  
So the heartbeat that followed seemed long as he silently weighed up his options...  
Reject Axel and be 'normal' or go with Axel and have a friend...  
A real one...  
Maybe...  
It was worth the shot right?

Demyx walked towards Axel smiling his footsteps seemed to in his own mind echo through the hallway as he walked towards the smirking redhead and then they were walking away...  
Leaving everyone else curious about them.  
Afraid perhaps...  
In awe of their confidence maybe.  
But certainly wondering why they ever rejected them in the first place.

"So where in this wonderful school would you like to be shown first?"  
Demyx shrugged.  
"The cafeteria I guess..."  
Axel nodded.  
"Good place to start cause I can show you the general directions of all the classrooms from there..."  
Demyx nodded.  
"Cool I'm starving... How about you?"  
Axel shrugged.  
"Not really no... But go right on ahead I'll get a coffee or something..."  
They walked into the blue coloured cafeteria, Axel walked to the coffee machine and loaded some coins in from his pocket...  
Espresso... With a lot of milk...  
/That might keep me awake for a while.../  
Axel waited as the machine whirred and made his drink his eyes followed Demyx across the cafeteria.  
/He's so like him... It's odd... They even kind of act the same.../  
Lost in thought near the machine his coffee was ready and so was Demyx who broke his focus.  
"Um... Axel? Your coffee's ready."  
Axel snapped back to reality and took his coffee from the machine.  
Demyx was making a beeline for the nearest table and Axel was in pursuit when the blonde stopped suddenly and turned around peering up into Axel's face hard taking in his bruised eye and all and without a word sat down at the table and started eating.  
Axel sat himself down slowly across the table wondering what he was thinking.  
But his mouth stayed shut only opening to take a bite of the toast he'd gotten.  
The redhead stared at the friendly face, the innocent gaze...  
Too much...  
"Why did you stare at me just there?"  
Demyx raised his eyes up from the table meeting Axel's.  
"Well I haven't gotten a good look at you with that hood up all day... And I wanted to see your face. Call me crazy but I like to see who I'm chatting to."  
Axel couldn't help but smirk.  
His chin rested against the palm of his hand and his eyes started to close.  
Demyx shook his head.  
"You clearly aren't up to this today, why don't you go home?"  
An image of his father flashed up in his head and he winced slightly.  
"I just... Well... I don't want to, I'd rather stay on top of school work."  
Demyx nodded sneaking a peek at Axel's bruised eye again and without Demyx saying a single word Axel knew that he wanted to question him about it and feeling the tension of an awkward question rising he quickly changed the subject.  
"So what subject have you next?"  
Demyx started searching his backpack for his timetable.  
"It's either... Art or maths... But I'm not quite sure which class they're putting me in yet so I guess it can be either... Uh... Which one do you have next?"  
Axel could still feel his eyes staring and the curiosity rise the more he looked.  
"Art."  
"Are you any good?"  
Axel shrugged focusing on the table.  
"I've been told I am but then I dunno... Good artists lives are full of trauma... Nothing good or happy inspires them apparently... I think I've had quite enough of that for one lifetime."  
The redhead went silent and a strange silence filled the space between them.  
It wasn't awkward as it usually is when people first meet, it wasn't full of 'what do I say? What do I say?' it was more of a mutual understanding...  
Demyx swallowed his last piece of toast and sighed with satisfaction patting his stomach.  
"So where to now?"  
"Art class right?"  
Demyx laughed and blushed a little.  
"Sorry... I can be so blonde sometimes..."  
Axel reached his hand out and ruffled his blonde hair without thinking.  
Both boys stopped dead at the contact for a split second then picked up their things and started walking.

Sitting in art class Axel found himself absorbed in other matters than creating, well anything really...  
/I'm just transferring my feelings... I barely know him... How can I possibly care for him...? I don't know how... Only that I do in some small way... Transferred or not... I genuinely care about him.../  
His eyes went down to the page in his hands and there reconstructed in front of his very eyes was the gruesome car crash... As he believed it would have looked... With Roxas looking angelic, blue eyes open face spattered in blood staring out at him... Blaming him... Almost as much as he blamed himself...

The bell rang on the close of another class and the teacher was collecting their work when she picked up Axel's.  
"That's not what I'm submitting for class I just need some time to..."  
But the teacher already had it in her hands.  
"Axel... This is amazing... The stare is so sad... The features are perfect... The structure and anatomy... It almost looks like he could jump off the page and come to life... He kind of reminds me of someone... Of... Oh..."  
Her brown eyes caught Axel's stare for a moment his full of grief and hers wide like a rabbit in headlights...  
It had 'I shouldn't have done that' written all over it.  
But Axel wasn't one to hold grudges... In most cases.  
"I'll have a new one for Thursday..."  
The auburn haired teacher just nodded suddenly busied and distracted by arranging things on her desk.

They left the classroom and walked down the corridor a little when Demyx piped up.  
"What was THAT all about?"  
Axel shrugged.  
"Art teachers... They're an odd bunch..."  
Demyx stopped walking, musing this for a moment and then decided every art teacher he'd ever had was in fact a bit mental and nodded in agreement.  
"I'll allow it."  
"So where to now?"  
"Uhm... English I think... English or music... Well I don't have my instrument with me so I guess it's English..."  
Axel pulled his head up from staring at the floor.  
"What instrument do you play?"  
Demyx grinned.  
"Don't laugh now."  
The redhead didn't look like he was anywhere near laughter.  
"Trust me I don't laugh at peoples creative pursuits."  
Demyx studied the Axel's face for a moment and decided he was telling the truth.  
"I play the sitar."  
The redhead seemed to think for a moment before recognition sparked in his face.  
"Ah it's an Indian instrument isn't it?"  
Demyx nodded.  
"I'm just glad you didn't say 'don't you mean GUITAR?' cause I get that a lot..."  
Axel shook his head.  
"Idiots..."  
"Totally..."

Both boys walked into English class and sat down in two desks beside each other.  
Demyx found his concentration faltering and paying attention to the teen next to him who seemed busy shading in parts of the drawing he had produced earlier.  
The blonde could see what the art teacher was talking about.  
The expression of the blue eyed blonde boy in the front seat was amazing.  
He was clearly dead...  
Axel had drawn it so that his eyes although deep blue were lifeless like his soul had escaped only moments before.  
There was another person in the car with him, they were in the drivers seat a silver haired teen...  
He was a bit taller than the blonde boy his upper body was right through the front windscreen of the car...  
His face wasn't looking out from the picture as the blonde boy was.  
The silver haired teen looked like he belonged in the picture...  
The blonde boy however looked like he could blink if he wanted to, step right out of the picture and start a life of his own...  
His face was full of pain, hurt, shame even?  
He looked like someone who was probably in the wrong place at the wrong time...  
Axel ran his fingers over this character in an almost affectionate manner which Demyx thought was quite strange...  
Yet he couldn't pull his eyes away even when Axel looked straight at him he held his gaze for a split second before looking back down at his book.

When the bell rang for the end of English class Axel put the picture back into his bag just as Demyx bounded up beside him.  
"The art teacher was right... That is a really amazing picture you're working on... The characters look so... Real... It's almost kinda frightening."  
Axel swallowed a lump in his throat and stood up.  
"Yeah... It's just a personal project... I feel like it's too much for school... If they see this they might think I have mental issues and send me somewhere or something... So I keep them to myself..."  
Demyx nodded satisfied with this answer.  
"So what are you gonna do for lunch?"  
Axel shrugged.  
"Maybe head home grab something to eat come back... The French teachers out sick so we have 2 hours for lunch instead of the usual..."  
The blonde nodded.  
"Oh... Alright... Guess I'll see you back here later then?"  
The redhead considered this for a moment.  
"Well... You can come back with me if you want..."  
Demyx scratched the back of his head.  
"Well... If you wouldn't mind?"  
"No no come with me."  
He tried to make his voice sound as carefree as he could, but secretly he feared his father being home early from work.

They walked slowly towards Axel's house Demyx noticing the road names as he passed them.  
"So how long have you been living around here?"  
The redhead looked at him.  
"All my life... I was born here... But the minute I turn eighteen I'm getting the hell out."  
Demyx looked up at Axel.  
"What's so wrong with around here?"  
Axel sighed.  
"There's nothing wrong with here... It just holds nothing good for me any more... And I've just had enough..."  
The blonde nodded.  
"So what is it that you wanna get away from so badly?"  
Axel stopped and stared at Demyx for a moment then continued down the road towards his house.

"Don't expect much from this... The house is a dump..."  
Demyx didn't know quite how to respond so he stayed behind Axel and followed him as he pushed his key into the lock.  
Axel turned and held the door open for Demyx to walk in first, he could tell his dad wasn't there the car was gone and the TV was off...  
Plus he was pretty sure they had no beer left in the fridge...  
Which would mean he definitely wasn't there.  
Axel took Demyx's hoody and hung it over the end of the stairs, he then removed his own and threw it over Demyx's one, forgetting all about his black eye.  
Which Demyx's eyes automatically were attracted to, it stood out in stark contrast to the rest of his pale skin.  
Axel went to grab his hoody again when Demyx stopped him.  
"No no don't do that..."  
The redhead looked down.  
"Just thought it might turn you off your food is all..."  
Demyx laughed.  
"No way. It's just a bruise like..."  
Axel moved about the kitchen silently grabbing this and that and toppling things into a saucepan.  
"Is there anything you are allergic to or don't eat?"  
The blonde shook his head.  
"Not that I know of anyways..."  
"Good..."  
Axel continued to topple things into the pot.  
"So... How did you get the black eye anyway?"  
The redhead stopped what he was doing and laid his hands on the counter top.  
"I'm just concerned like... It looks pretty bad... Like someone punched you or something..."  
Axel nodded.  
"Someone did punch me... Do you like peppers?"  
Demyx shook his head.  
"No peppers please... Who was it? Someone in school? How are they getting away with it? Preppy bastards..."  
Axel got the feeling Demyx was smarter than he looked and that he would figure it out sooner or later.  
/Let him figure it out for himself... I really don't wanna think about it right now.../  
He put the saucepan to the heat and kept his back turned to Demyx stirring the soup occasionally.  
After a short while Demyx was feeling awkward.  
"Uhm where's the bathroom?"  
"First door at the top of the stairs..."  
"Thanks."  
Demyx made his way out to the hallway and started slowly up the stairs noticing pictures of his family as he went up...  
The further he went up the sadder they seemed to look.  
Until he came to one of Axel and his father and his mother and what looked like her new family.  
/No wonder he's so sad.../  
Demyx was almost at the bathroom when he caught a glimpse of light from a crack in one of the doors.  
He couldn't help himself from creeping over to the door and opening it a tiny bit.  
/Axel's room.../  
He looked around the room and what he saw was a slight shock to his system.  
Photos of Axel and the teen from the drawing...  
The blonde one with the blue eyes...  
It had to be him...  
Lying on his bed was a newspaper clipping, Demyx picked it up and read over it.  
Tragic teens car crash  
It screamed in black and white and there underneath the picture was the two teenagers...  
Roxas and Riku.  
/Roxas.../

"Hey Demyx soups ready..."  
Axel called from the kitchen downstairs.  
The blonde made sure he hadn't disturbed anything and left the room exactly as he had found it and crept back to the bathroom, he flushed the toilet and wet his hands.  
Axel was now at the foot of the stairs smirking up at him.  
"Jesus what were you doing in there eh?"  
Demyx shrugged.  
"Nature called."  
Axel laughed a little and made his way back to the kitchen.  
Demyx knew more than he should know...  
But the more he thought about it...  
The more he desired to help.  
"Well it's veggie soup, nothing special... But it'll fill you up and keep you going for the rest of the day with any luck..."  
Demyx nodded.  
"Thanks a lot..."  
His head was spinning.  
/Poor poor Axel... No wonder he's so sad... His friend only died the other day.../  
As he caught the redheads eyes over the table as they ate, the pain was all too evident now, it was all there showing nowhere on his face...  
All hidden inside...  
Behind the windows of the soul...  
His eyes showed all his anguish, pain and torment.  
But he wasn't supposed to know...  
So until he trusted him enough to tell him, he had to let Axel suffer in silence.


	3. Chapter 3

They sat there eating their soup in silence Demyx wanted to try and find out more without forcing it.  
"So... Who else do you hang around with in school? Or do you not bother with the preppy ones?"  
The blonde laughed to lighten the mood.  
"No one... I tend to do well with my own company..."  
Axel took a mouthful of soup.  
"So you've never had any friends in school at all? Don't you get lonely?"  
The redhead sighed.  
"There was one..."  
Demyx's eyes lit up in interest.  
"Oh yeah? What were they like?"  
Axel let out a long drawn out sigh.  
/I wonder if he read it in the newspaper or something... Spotted me in the background of one of the shots at the funeral or something.../  
His green eyes stared at Demyx for a long moment and he whispered.  
"How much do you know?"  
Demyx was taken aback by this question.  
"What do you mean?"  
Axel sat up straight.  
"You're asking a lot of questions..."  
"Wouldn't that imply that I know nothing?"  
The redhead shook his head.  
"You're smarter than you let on... So what exactly is it you want to know?"  
The blonde haired boy sat up straight.  
"First I want to apologise... I went into your room when I went upstairs... I was curious, you're an unusual person and I wanted to know more... I saw all the pictures of you and... Roxas... I didn't touch anything... Except the newspaper article on the bed... Which explained everything... I'm sorry."  
Axel's eyes were looking at the wood of the table below him he could feel his heart accelerate and his breathing become short he put his head in his hands and brought his head down towards his knees hyperventilating.  
Demyx stood up panicked.  
"Axel what's wrong?"  
His green eyes were wide as he tried to catch his breath to answer.  
"Pan... ic... Att... ack..."  
The blonde boy understood and started frantically looking for a brown paper bag.  
He opened cupboards at random and pushed things aside to try and find one.  
But before Demyx could find one Axel's breath was returning slowly but surely back to normal.  
"Are you okay? Is there anything I can get you?"  
Axel shook his head.  
"I'm okay... It happens from time to time..."  
Demyx nodded and sat down in the chair beside Axel.  
"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have said anything..."  
The redhead shook his head.  
"It's not your fault... Just hearing it said out loud makes it feel all the more real like its happened and I know it has but it feels surreal and so far no ones tried talking to me about it..."  
Demyx nodded in understanding.  
"I don't want to bore you with the details..."  
The blondes eyes caught Axel's.  
"We're friends right?"  
Axel considered this for a moment.  
"Well... We've known each other for less than a day... But we could wind up being friends..."  
Demyx nodded.  
"Which means you're not 'boring me with details' it means I'm being a friend or acquaintance or whatever. Either way I want to know... I want to help..."  
Axel nodded taking another mouthful of soup.  
"Are you sure you want to know?"  
Demyx nodded.  
"I said I wanted to help and I meant it."  
Axel sighed.  
"Okay... Where do I begin?"  
Demyx shrugged.  
"I guess when you guys met?"  
"This is gonna be a pretty long story then... But we have a while... So I guess I'll begin..."

"We started high school together...  
Well separate but in the same year and the same class.  
He was kinda shy...  
He had the coolest spiky blonde hair and I remember looking at it for ages and wondering how the hell he got it like that.  
But I digress...  
We first got talking at lunchtime all the tables were crowded and we were both looking for one to sit at alone, but there was only one table left, I got there first and sat down...  
He didn't look in the least bit pleased but sat down anyway across from me.  
He had the oddest obsession with chequered clothing, he always wore black and white vans you know the ones...  
Kinda like loafers with no laces...  
His wristband was chequered his notebooks were chequered some of em were green and black, pink and black, purple and black...  
People used to think he was gay over his pink and purple notebooks.  
He used to tell them he thought anyone who wore a sweater vest was gay, and they used to ALL wear sweater vests in summer.  
Well the ones who took the piss out of him anyway did so it shut them the fuck up.  
His delivery was the best thing about his sense of humour half the time you weren't sure if he was joking...  
Until he started laughing and it was infectious as hell."

Axel was smiling to himself now.  
Demyx wondered about this.  
"Wow sounds like you guys had a really good time... Sounds like you cared a lot for him..."  
Axel immediately stopped smiling and continued.

"We had a lot of good times, we didn't need anyone else to have fun...  
He used to let me stay in his house when things like this happened."  
Axel then pointed up towards his eye.  
"And he'd have ice cream, movies and video games ready...  
He really was a great friend..."  
Axel looked wistful.  
"So what happened? Besides the obvious I mean..."  
The redhead sighed a deep sigh and swallowed hard like he was trying to hold back tears.

"Well... Someone new started in the school, same year as us... The other guy in the picture... Riku... He started sitting with us and stuff and that was fine... I didn't have a problem with him at all... In fact I quite liked him... Until him and Roxas started hanging out without me... Even that was fine for a time... But there was one night I wanted to meet Roxas alone... There was something I had been thinking about for months... And really needed to talk about it with him... But before I got to say what I wanted to say... Riku turned up in his car outside my house beeping...  
And I lost it...  
I told him to go with Riku... He told me he wanted to hear what I wanted to tell him... But I was too angry... I told him to go and get in the car with Riku and that it was clear who he favoured... I know if I had of told him what I wanted to tell him he would never have gotten in that car... And Riku would've gone home instead... But he went for the door he looked back to see if I actually meant it... And the look in his eyes that hurt... It almost looked like he knew that would be the last time I'd see him alive... And it was... I regretted what I'd done the minute they pulled off... I tried calling him to get him to come back... But his phone kept ringing out... I tried for most of the night... And decided it would be okay that I would see him the next morning... But I never went to school that day... I went to the hospital... He wasn't mangled or bruised... He just looked like he was sleeping... I even threw his mobile phone fully charged and on into the coffin at the funeral just in case he woke up... I knew he was dead... But I kept my phone on just in case... Needless to say he never called..."

Axel's eyes were glazed over like he wasn't really seeing what was in front of him but reliving what happened to Roxas.  
Demyx was solemn too...  
"That's terrible... What was it that you wanted to tell him?"  
The redhead snapped back to reality and looked at the clock on the wall...  
"We should probably head back..."  
The blonde nodded and took his bowl to the sink Axel started washing and Demyx dried the dishes wondering what he could've wanted to say to him that would've made him stay...  
Axel put the dishes back up into their rightful places and grabbed his bag and his hoody from over the stairs...  
But before he walked outside he pulled the picture out of his bag to show Demyx.  
"I never saw the crash... But this is how it looks when I dream about it... And that's why I won't hand it over to the art teacher... It seems... Too personal... Sacred maybe... That and they'd probably send me to therapy or expel me... And I have enough to deal without that happening too..."  
Demyx nodded understanding.

With that they started the walk back to school...  
Both were silent.  
Both thinking...  
Demyx wondering still where he got the black eye and what he was going to tell Roxas...  
Axel wondering had he said too much...  
And would these feelings for Demyx pass...


	4. Chapter 4

They walked in silence Axel shooting sideways glances at Demyx considering the similarities between him and Roxas.  
/You know you can't do that man... For the simple fact that you'd be using him to replace someone else... Keep your thoughts to yourself./  
Demyx was giving sideways looks to Axel's eye...  
/I wish I could ask him all about it.../  
Autumn was coming and the leaves were changing colour again...  
Axel stopped suddenly looking up as a single leaf floated down and landed in the palm of his hand he handed it to Demyx who looked at him oddly.  
Axel shrugged.  
"It's supposed to be lucky... You can make a wish on a freshly fallen leaf... But only if you catch it before it hits the ground..."  
Demyx held the leaf in his hand and slyly opening his bag slipped it into one of his notebooks.

They reached the school a short while later and walking through the gates someone called out to Axel.  
"Hey Axel where'd you get the bruise? One of your fuck buddies cocks miss your mouth?"  
The redhead stopped dead and turned to face where the voice came from.  
"Yeah... Your dad's got really shitty aim."  
With that said he started to walk away when the group ran up and surrounded him.  
"What did you say?"  
The redhead cleared his throat.  
"I said YOUR DAD HAS SHIT AIM his cock went in my eye instead of my mouth would you like me to draw you a fucking diagram?"  
One of them pulled his fist back to hit Axel.  
Demyx went to run in to try and break up the fight.  
"You really think I'm scared of being hit? Go for it."  
The teen stopped dead fist raised.  
Axel stepped forward, dropped his bag and spread his arms.  
"Come on. What the fuck are you waiting for?"  
With that the bell rang and the crowd dispersed.  
"I'll get you later faggot."  
Axel picked up his bag and rejoining Demyx continued walking like nothing had just happened.  
The blonde was wide eyed and ran in front of Axel with his hands out in front of him to stop him in his tracks.  
"Wait! What the fuck just happened?"  
Axel shrugged.  
"I called his bluff."  
Demyx stopped him again.  
"That was scary though I thought you were gonna get hurt and I..."  
The blonde hushed himself and tried to disguise the embarrassment on his face.  
A smile tugged at the corner of the redheads lips.  
/Oh man I haven't known this guy a day and he's already worried about me... That's so cute... That's so like... No.../  
Axel shook the thought away and continued towards class Demyx smiled to himself and looking in his notebook for a moment at the leaf followed on after Axel.

The rest of the day rolled in quickly and before they knew it they were walking back out of the school gates.  
Demyx stood at the gates knowing he'd have to go the other way and caught Axel's gaze for a moment before the redhead turned to head home.  
"Uhm..."  
Axel turned back.  
"Yeah?"  
The blonde stood pressing his fingers together looking at his shoes.  
"Well it's like the weekend..."  
The redhead nodded.  
"Yup."  
Demyx was clearly having trouble wording what he wanted to say.  
"Out with it man! I have to get home or my dad will kill me."  
The secret irony of this sentence made him want to both laugh and cry.  
"Well I just wondered if you wanted to... Hang out over the weekend?"  
Axel mentally weighed up what he would be doing over the weekend.  
/Avoiding my dad... Staying in my room... Being alone... Can't see mom this weekend cause she'll think I got into a fight... Mourning Roxas... I'll be alone and depressed.../  
"What have you got in mind?"  
Demyx shrugged.  
"I haven't seen much of this place... Maybe you could show me around? Maybe watch a movie or something?"  
Axel nodded and ripped a piece of paper from a copy in his bag and scribbled a number on it.  
"Here's my number. Give me a call tomorrow."  
Demyx nodded watching the redhead walk away for a moment.  
"See you tomorrow then."  
Axel raised his hand in goodbye without turning back.

Back at home Axel brought all of his things to his room and was settling down on his bed when his phone beeped.  
*Hi, uh... Don't mean to be nosing or anything but I just asked my mom and Arnica oil is really good for reducing bruises... Sorry if I'm being rude... Just trying to help... :-)*  
The redhead didn't even have to look at who'd sent the message.  
He shook his head smiling.  
/Demyx./  
He ran to the bathroom and searched through the medicine cupboard.  
Taking things out and setting them down he looked through the shelves there at the back of the shelf sat a small brown bottle.  
*Arnica*  
It read in small letters.  
/How lucky is that?/  
He smiled to himself and went back to his room, he opened the bottle and was about to pour it on again when his phone beeped.  
*Do not use it undiluted! It'll chemically burn your skin!*  
Axel smiled to himself and picked up his phone.  
*Good timing I was just about to put it on. What should I mix it with?*  
Demyx grinned to himself.  
*Well any kind of oil works really... One or two drops and those bruises should be eased by morning.*  
*Thanks... So... I'll meet you tomorrow about 12?*  
The blonde smiled.  
*Sounds good... I'll see you then.*  
Axel put his phone on the bed and went downstairs to find some oil.  
/One or two drops eh?/  
He then caught his reflection in the mirror.  
/Better make it 3.../  
He mixed the oil and rubbed it across his eye where it was bruised.  
/I hope this works.../  
Suddenly he heard a car pull into the drive way.  
/Shit.../  
He grabbed the oil and ran back up into his room as quietly as he could manage and listened.  
No roaring... No throwing things...  
/He's not drunk yet.../  
The breath held in his lungs was let go in a sigh of relief and he moved around his room as normal.  
"Axel?"  
His fathers voice was normal not angry...  
"Uhm... Yeah?"  
The redhead walked slowly down the stairs.  
His father looked at him he could feel his eyes on the bruising he'd left.  
"I'm going out soon..."  
With that he walked off without saying another word.  
Axel went back to his room and applied more of the oil to his eye.  
He lay on his bed dozing in and out of sleep...

"Axel... Please! Why won't you... HELP ME!"

He jumped into consciousness in a cold sweat checking around him.  
"Just a dream..."  
Sighing to himself he checked his reflection.  
The arnica oil was working...  
Where he was black it was turning to more of a grey and almost everywhere else it had almost faded back to his skin tone.  
He checked his watch.  
/2.23 am? Jesus I've been out ages.../  
Before he could settle back to sleep he heard someone slam against the front door.  
/Oh no.../  
His father opened the door and fell into the hallway.  
"Look at the state of this place... Axel! AXEL!"  
/Maybe if I pretend to be asleep... He'll leave me alone.../  
The footsteps were on the stairs now...  
Slow and heavy...  
Each step made Axel's heart thump a little harder against his ribs and then after what seemed like forever...  
His door swung open.  
"AXEL who the fuck do you think you are leaving the place in a state like that?"  
The redhead blinked his eyes open slowly like he'd been sleeping.  
"Uhm? I haven't been downstairs... I've been up here all night..."  
His father approached his bed.  
"So what are you saying? I did it?"  
His voice was quiet...  
Like the calm before a storm.  
"No... I'm just saying I've been asleep all night..."  
"WELL NO WONDER THE PLACE IS A STATE IF YOU'VE BEEN UP HERE DOING NOTHING!"  
His hand reached out and grabbed Axel's hair.  
"I didn't do anything!"  
A fist caught him in the gut forcing the breath out of his lungs.  
He fell to the ground coughing on his hands and knees.  
"Please... I'm... Sorry..."  
"Not as sorry as you will be..."  
His father took his belt off his trousers and wrapping it around his hand once raised his hand above his head and brought the belt down across Axel's back.  
Axel cried out in pain.  
"I'm sorry I'm sorry please stop it won't happen again!"  
His father kicked him in the stomach and seeing that Axel was winded, stopped for a moment.  
"You'll never stop... You've been lazy and inconsiderate ever since your mother left! That slut!"  
The redhead caught his breath.  
"My... Mother... Is... Not... A... Slut..."  
His father laughed.  
"Hmph... You're just like her... Naïve and selfish..."  
Axel shook his head.  
"She is not selfish she just wanted to get away from you... And I can't blame her..."  
His father brought the belt down across Axel's back again and he cried out in pain.  
"I fucking hate you!"  
He walked up to Axel and dragged him up off the floor.  
"You hate me? I raised you! I didn't have to you know! I sent you to school kept you clothed and well looked after!"  
Axel coughed catching his breath.  
"That's hard to believe... All I remember is you and mom constantly fighting... And then her running off to grandma's to hide... From you!"  
His father looked him in the eye.  
Oh you think she was so great? So why the hell is she gone off and started a new family and left you out? Why didn't she take you to her mother's house with her huh? And to think I raised you as my own son!"  
Axel looked wide eyed into his fathers eyes.  
"What? What do you mean your OWN son I AM your son."  
His father backed Axel into a wall.  
"Your mother's a fucking slut... Honestly... I don't know who's son you are..."  
His father poked him in the chest on the last word and turned his back on Axel.  
Axel felt himself slip slowly down the wall to the floor.  
His father walked out of his room slamming the door leaving Axel alone, short of breath and in tears.  
/My mom hates me my dad hates me and my friends... My friends... Are dead because of me... I'm worthless... Why am I still here?/  
He heard a muffled voice from somewhere.  
"AXEL AXEL! ARE YOU OKAY? PLEASE ANSWER!"  
The redhead traced the noise back to his cell phone and reluctantly picked it up.  
"Hello?"  
"Axel Jesus Christ what happened?"  
"Nothing happened..."  
Demyx sighed.  
"Listen Axel I heard everything."  
"I was just watching a movie no biggie..."  
There was a long pause.  
"Axel I heard you cry out I heard almost everything..."  
The redhead held the phone in his hand trying not to break down while Demyx was still on the line.  
"Why did you call me anyways?"  
"You called me..."  
Axel rubbed his eyes trying to keep the calm in his voice.  
"Oh I'm sorry... I must've fallen asleep on it..."  
"Axel don't change the subject... I'm... Worried."  
/He doesn't care he really doesn't he doesn't know you well enough.../  
"You've known me like a day..."  
Demyx sighed impatiently into the phone.  
"Fine then... If that's how you feel forget about tomorrow... I wanted to be a good friend... Obviously that's not what you want..."  
Axel tried to apologise but the line went dead before he got the chance.  
He dialled Demyx's number in and waited...  
But kept getting his answering machine.  
/Why do I fuck up everything?/  
He dialled for the seventeenth time and got the answering machine again.  
Axel broke down into tears.  
"Demyx I'm sorry... I really want to apologise... I'll be at the school tomorrow at 12. I'm sorry..."  
After that he took some sleeping tablets and drifted into a drug induced sleep.

He awoke late the next morning at 11 am and in a panic jumped into the shower, threw clothes on and left the house without breakfast...  
Axel made it to the school with ten minutes to spare.  
He waited, looking off into the distance paying special attention to every blonde boy he could see just in case it was him.  
But none of them were Demyx...  
And by half one, he had given up he walked home feeling broken.  
/I've lost the last thing that was actually okay in my life.../  
His eyes were on the grey pavement in front of him concentrating on nothing but putting one foot in front of the other and even that seemed hard right now...  
He arrived at his front door unlocked it and walked through his father said something but he just nodded, he kept his head down and his mouth shut.

The weekend went by and Monday came around.  
Axel did the same at school as what seemed to be working at home.  
Head down mouth shut...  
Demyx was watching him from afar, going from class to class, guilt eating away at him that he didn't pay attention to Axel's message.  
/He looks so sad... And he's... Limping... Oh god I have to do something.../

Axel went the rest of the week with his head down and barely saying a word.  
Demyx was too afraid to approach him and tried to make a million different plans of action but feeling bad about what happened he wasn't sure if Axel needed his space or not...

Saturday rolled around and Demyx now dead set on apologising decided to go around to Axel's house.  
/Just go in apologise and everything will work out if it's meant to... Right? Right.../  
He was only about ten minutes away from his house and already wondering if this was the right thing to do...  
/Now Demyx you can't run away from this forever... Although I could catch him Monday... NO! I have to go now!/  
He approached the house breathing like he was about to take a panic attack but pressed on regardless and knocked twice on the door the door was pulled open forcefully.  
"Yeah?"  
Demyx shifted awkwardly.  
/This must be his dad.../  
"Uhm... Is Axel in?"  
"He's not up yet... But head up if you want to..."  
Demyx thanked Axel's dad and made his way up the stairs mentally scolding himself for wondering what Axel wore to bed... Or if he wore anything to bed at all...  
Slowly Demyx creaked the door open...  
And there in the bed was Axel.  
/I guess he's not been sleeping well.../  
But as he rounded the bed he noticed something dripping from under the sheets...  
Slowly he pulled them back...  
Little by little his bruised body was revealed...  
There was vomit dripping off the side of the bed and when he pulled the sheets down further he saw a few scattered pills...  
/No.../  
Gripped in one of his hands was a piece of paper with one word scrawled across it.  
'Worthless.'  
Demyx checked Axel's heartbeat...  
It was barely there...  
And fading fast...  
Without thinking he grabbed his phone from his pocket and dialled 911.  
"Please send someone quick... It's my friend... He's after overdosing..."


	5. Chapter 5

Demyx now panicked ran down the stairs to get Axel's father...  
But he had already left the house.  
/I can't leave him alone.../  
Running back up the stairs he sat by Axel talking to him shouting, willing him to wake up.  
He took Axel by the shoulders and shook him hard.  
"Please wake up... Or at least at the very least... Don't die..."  
/Axel could... Die.../  
Realising the extremity situation at hand Demyx started breathing heavily and sitting next to Axel stroked his hair out of his face.  
"Oh god... Please don't die... Please don't die..."  
He was still saying this like a mantra when the ambulance crew arrived.  
Demyx was wide eyed and didn't want to be taken away from Axel.  
"Everyone's left him! I can't!"  
"You'll just be leaving him for a few minutes... That's all..."  
"NO!"  
The paramedics strapped Axel to the stretcher and loaded him into the back of an ambulance.  
"I want to be in there with him..."  
His voice was barely a whisper, the shock was kicking in fully.  
A female paramedic led him slowly to the ambulance where they were hooking Axel up an oxygen mask.  
"Okay... You can go with him... Here's a blanket please keep it around you... You're currently suffering from shock... But that's okay... That's perfectly normal. You've done a good job."  
The blonde teen nodded slowly taking it all in he raised his hand to his mouth and left it there for a long time and gasped.  
One of the paramedics closed the back of the ambulance and climbed into the front seat.  
Demyx kept his eyes on the floor.  
"Can I ask you something?"  
The dark haired girl sitting beside him nodded.  
"Sure what do you want to know?"  
The blonde teen continued to stare at the floor.  
"What are the odds he'll actually live?"  
The paramedic shifted in her seat.  
"There's pretty good odds, there was vomit on the bedsheets which means his body rejected some of the medication he ingested already that means there's less in there... So far so good. But we won't be able to tell for sure until we get him to the hospital."  
Demyx nodded feeling slightly comforted by this fact...

The ambulance pulled into the car park and Demyx watched as they rushed Axel into the hospital.  
He watched them take him out and wheel him off shouting across to each other...  
It seemed like slow motion...  
His spikes swayed as they wheeled him into the white corridor, under the white lights the paleness of his skin and his utter helplessness touched Demyx and made him incredibly sad.  
/All he's had in his life is utter crap... If he wants to live... I hope he lives... If life is really that bad... And he wants... Then what kind of friend would I be to want otherwise it'd be selfish.../  
The dark haired girl laid a hand on Demyx's shoulder which made him jump.  
"It's okay, calm down it's just me. I just want to help you. Would you mind coming with me?"  
Demyx watched as Axel turned a corner on his stretcher.  
"I'll come along..."

"Axel... Axel?"  
"Roxas... Roxas? Am I..."  
"No Axel you're not dead and you're not dreaming either..."  
"Then how the?"  
"You're between life and death right now... Which means either realm is your choice..."  
"So I can die or live?"  
"Basically..."  
Axel nodded slowly observing his surroundings they were at the hospital still...  
"Did you get this choice?"  
Roxas shook his head slowly.  
"If I had of don't you think I would've chosen life?"  
Axel shrugged.  
"By the end of everything that happened... I wasn't sure what to think..."  
Roxas slowly embraced Axel.  
"Of course I would've... You were a great friend."  
"But if I had of told you what I had to say maybe you would've stayed..."  
Roxas shook his head.  
"You have to stop blaming yourself on what happened Axel..."  
Slowly Axel released himself from Roxas arms.  
"I think I know what I want to do now I want to..."  
Roxas shushed Axel.  
"Before you make your choice you must consider who this effects..."  
"It effects no one Roxas... You know that the only ones who should care or did care about me died, left, or beat me black and blue regularly..."  
Roxas looked over Axel's shoulder.  
"What about him?"  
Axel looked over his own shoulder and there in a small office with tears streaming down his face was Demyx.

"After examining Axel thoroughly the chance is about 50/50... I think his survival rests more upon his own will than anything else now..."  
Demyx looked at his knees.  
"Isn't there anything else that can be done?"  
"I'm sorry... But all we can do now is wait and see if he wakes up."  
The mohawked boy lay his head on the desk and broke into sobs.

Roxas shrugged.  
"Oh I dunno what about him... Just perhaps that he cares so much about you he thought about facing your father earlier and kicking his ass for not being there in your hour of need, he wanted to punch him once in the face for every time he made you feel anything less than utterly happy and delighted, he has his mind made up that he will slash his tyres and have him arrested for all that he's done to you and that's even if you don't wake up... Axel that's love..."  
Axel looked over at Demyx and then looked at Roxas.  
"But you don't understand..."  
The blonde boy shook his head.  
"Believe me... I understand what he's feeling..."  
Axel's lips parted slightly.  
"W-what?"  
Roxas smiled.  
"It's the one reason I came back... You're the one reason I came back..."  
Axel started crying.  
"What I wanted to tell you so badly that night... It's haunted me since the accident..."  
Roxas embraced his friend.  
"I know..."  
Green eyes met blue.  
"Roxas I have... Loved you since... I can't even remember... I was just so scared..."  
The blonde teen smiled.  
"I know Axel... I was scared too... Of my own feelings... They terrified me... But well I wanted to tell you the same thing... For years in fact... But could never get up the courage, so many times I walked into school or your house or my house and you'd be sitting there smiling up at me and my heart would yearn for you and melt all at once... Then I would completely lose my nerve and just enjoy being around you instead. The night of the crash I wanted to tell you... But well, that didn't quite go as planned..."  
Axel was in tears now.  
"I wish, I wish we could've been... I wish only that we had even one time... To... Just be together... Once more..."  
Roxas nodded.  
"It's not our time yet though..."  
Axel shook his head.  
"No... No Roxas I want to stay with you!"  
"It's time to go back now Axel..."  
The redhead shook his head.  
"Please no! Just please a few more minutes..."  
Roxas took Axel in his arms and captured his lips in his own, Axel was both wide eyed and tearful and slowly took the blondes body in his arms, feeling his lips hard on his own.  
Suddenly blackness surrounded him and he was falling slowly away from Roxas.  
"I love you Axel... But it's Demyx's time to have your love... Stop worrying about the past and open yourself to the love that's right in front of you... We'll meet again one day... I promise."

Slowly Axel sank back into the familiar operating theatre his eyes opened as he was hit with a shock that felt like it'd blow his head open and forced him to take a massive breath inwards.  
Demyx was looking through glass from the outside and dropping the blanket ran into the room.  
Axel swung his legs off the side of the bed and catching Demyx in his arms kissed him on the lips.  
The blonde tried to pull away in shock but Axel held him there feeling his lips, his presence and his warmth against himself and let his own previous feelings towards Demyx take over...  
Filling him up with longing, warmth, lust, want, need and even to the tiniest extent...  
Love.  
This all rushed through his head as he kissed and finally separated from Demyx.  
Slow motion, pure poetry...  
He could feel Demyx's breath release on his face like he'd been holding it forever, he watched how he didn't open his eyes straight away, and when they did open, it was slow...  
Reluctant...  
Like he wasn't sure if he was dreaming or if it was real...  
How his eyes were full of tears when they did finally open...  
And how in that moment it seemed like the world had stopped turning for a moment just for them...  
Demyx stared into Axel's green eyes whispering.  
"Promise me... You won't ever do that again... I almost, lost my chance to tell you..."  
Axel rested his forehead against Demyx's.  
"I know what you want to say... And I almost lost my chance to tell you, that I feel the same way."  
The blonde nodded nestling into Axel's chest just breathing him in for what seemed like hours...  
Until the doctors interrupted.  
"I'm sorry but we need to examine you and make sure that you're okay..."  
Demyx nodded and as they began to wheel Axel out, Demyx noticed a familiar face peeking through the glass in the door.  
"Roxas?"  
But when he ran out there was no one there...  
Axel merely smiled back towards Demyx and nodded.

3 years later...

Starting today I've been told to journal things and if it helps write letters to people who've hurt me... As it will help me deal with feelings from the past present and fears I have for the future...

I'm not quite sure how to start this...

Uhm...?

How am I doing?

I'm fine...

Finally I can actually say I'm fine and smile and mean it.

It's funny how things can change in such a short time.  
But I'm finally getting the peace I've been looking for all along...  
The court ruled in my favour in the case of me against my 'father' which left me with the house and more money than I've ever seen...  
During that case they uncovered that my real father hadn't paid child support to my mother since before I was one...  
Since she decided she basically wanted nothing more to with me the minute she started her new family...  
And found fault with almost everything I did...  
I was awarded the money...  
Which needless to say made her regret how she'd treated me very quick, she tried many times to make amends...  
But what's done is done...  
And when you're a pretty rich emancipated minor everyone wants to be your friend...  
Including preppy idiots...  
I may as well be going around wearing a sign saying;  
"My name is Axel and I'm pretty much a big deal..."  
But I don't let it go to my head...  
There's only one person I need and he should be home any minute...  
It was my 18th last week...  
I got cards from my mom, dad and even 'dad'.  
Perhaps what I did will make them into better people...  
Maybe not...

Demyx's knocking on the door now...  
So maybe I'll write more later...  
But for now I'm gonna go and just enjoy being with the man I love.

I'll write more soon.

Axel.


End file.
